From Skeptic to Believer – Why Real Men Need to Rethink Therapy and Mindfulness
By: Kevin Brown
Founder, The Council of Kings Podcast
Guest Writer for Heart Shine Counseling
Confessions of a Therapy Skeptic: No Nonsense
Let’s get real—if you’d told me a few years ago that I’d be sitting here writing about therapy, I’d have laughed in your face. Therapy? That was for people who were “broken,” people who couldn’t handle their problems. Not me. I had it under control. Or at least, that’s what I kept telling myself.
Here’s the truth, though: I didn’t have it under control. Not even close. I was angry all the time, stressed to the point where I couldn’t sleep, and so wound up that even small things—like someone cutting me off in traffic—felt like the end of the world. I thought I was being tough, but I wasn’t tough. I was barely keeping it together.
If this sounds like you—or even a little bit like you—keep reading. Because what I learned, the hard way, is that therapy isn’t what you think it is. And yes, it can change your life.
The Lies We Tell Ourselves
Let’s be honest, most of us grew up hearing the same message: “Man up.” Don’t cry. Don’t ask for help. Push through, no matter what. And you know what? It works—for a while. You can shove your feelings down, slap on a fake smile, and tell yourself you’re fine. But it doesn’t go away. That stress, that anger, that sadness—it doesn’t disappear. It just builds.
I bought into that mindset for years. I told myself I could handle anything. Stress at work? Just grind harder. Relationship problems? She’s the one overreacting. Feeling disconnected and exhausted? That’s just life.
Except it wasn’t working. I was snapping at people I cared about. I wasn’t enjoying anything. And no amount of late-night drinks or “working it out” at the gym could fix it. I was stuck, and I hated it.
How I Finally Tried Therapy
I didn’t wake up one day and decide to try therapy. It took hitting rock bottom. Work stress was crushing me, my relationships were strained, and I felt like I was constantly walking around with this tight knot in my chest. I wasn’t sleeping. I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t me.
So, I said, “Alright, let’s try it.” I called a therapist. Not because I believed it would help, but because I had nothing left to lose. And I won’t lie—I walked into that first session with my arms crossed, convinced it would be a waste of time.
It wasn’t.
Therapy wasn’t what I expected. It wasn’t about crying on a couch or diving into my childhood (though, yeah, some of that came up later). It was practical. It was real. My therapist didn’t just sit there nodding; she asked questions that made me think. She gave me tools I could actually use. It wasn’t about being “fixed”; it was about understanding myself better so I could handle life without feeling like I was drowning.
What Therapy Taught Me
If you’re still rolling your eyes, hear me out. Therapy didn’t just help—it changed how I live my life. Here’s what it gave me:
Clarity: Therapy helped me figure out what was really bothering me instead of letting everything blur together into one giant stress ball.
Control: I learned how to handle my emotions instead of letting them run the show. No more snapping at my partner over dumb stuff.
Problem-Solving Skills: Therapy gave me tools to tackle challenges head-on, without freezing up or freaking out.
Better Relationships: When I stopped pretending everything was fine, the people around me stopped feeling like they had to walk on eggshells.
Not Ready for Therapy? Start Small.
If you’re not ready to dive into therapy, I get it. I wasn’t either. But you can start small. Here’s what worked for me when I wasn’t ready to sit across from a stranger and spill my guts:
Get Moving: Working out isn’t just good for your muscles; it’s good for your brain. But do it mindfully. Focus on your breathing and how your body feels, not just the weight you’re lifting.
Write It Down: I used to think journaling was pointless, but here’s the deal: getting your thoughts out of your head and onto paper helps. Even if it’s just “I’m frustrated and don’t know why,” it’s a start.
Try Five Minutes of Meditation: I thought meditation was silly until I gave it a try. It’s not about being “zen”—it’s about giving your brain a break. There are apps for this. Use one.
Unplug: Go for a walk without your phone. Listen to the sounds around you. Just let your brain breathe for a bit.
Do Something With Your Hands: Fix something. Build something. Cook a meal from scratch. Activities that require focus can be surprisingly calming.
Mindfulness Isn’t Just for Yoga Moms
Mindfulness sounds like one of those trendy words you’d see in a lifestyle blog, but at its core, it’s about paying attention. It’s noticing when you’re about to lose your cool or appreciating a moment instead of letting it slip by.
For me, it started with simple stuff. Drinking my coffee without scrolling my phone. Taking a deep breath before responding when I was annoyed. Those little moments add up. They help you stop reacting and start responding.
Real Men Take Care of Their Minds
Let’s be clear: taking care of your mental health doesn’t make you weak. It makes you smart. It makes you strong. Real strength isn’t about how much stress you can take before you crack—it’s about knowing when to step back, when to ask for help, and when to take care of yourself.
If you’re tired of feeling stuck, if you’re ready to stop pretending everything’s fine, therapy might be the answer. And if it’s not, that’s okay too. But do something. Your life doesn’t get better by accident.
Take the First Step
Whether it’s calling a therapist, writing in a notebook, or just going for a long walk, take a step. It doesn’t have to be perfect, and it doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s version of “self-care.” Just start.
And if you know another guy who’s feeling the same way, share this with him. Sometimes we all need a little push. You’ve got this.
